According to J. William Worden there are four tasks in mourning or grieving:
Task I: To Accept the Reality of the Loss
Task II: To Process the Pain of Grief
Task III: To Adjust to a World Without the Deceased
Task IV: To Find an Enduring Connection With the Deceased in the Midst of Embarking on a New Life
Sounds pretty good. Even if I don’t like the tasks, they are mne. I didn’t chose them but they are a part of parenting.
I had this vehicle… the Humlite. It was a steel, aluminum, and fiberglass body that was on a sandrail frame that I stuck onto an 84 Toyota truck. And then I put full size chevy axles under it. When it comes to mechanics I have no idea what I am doing. But I actually got it together… finally… kind of… and then sold it. It looked like an H-1 but it was smaller and lighter and fake.
It was supposed to be a project for Justin, Ethan and me to work on together… but that didn’t happen.
Putting it together was a learning process… mechanics, suspension, steering, brakes, axles… fabrication, welding, bondo, sanding… I had to learn step by step about everything, often doing it and undoing it twice or three times before it was right. I dropped things on my foot. I set my clothes on fire. Tools broke… explosively at times, I have slag burns on my arms, chest, and feet. I blinded myself. I mangled skin with a grinder. I smashed fingers and bled on the ground. I burned holes and left stains on pants and shirts.
One day, the Humlite was sitting in the shelter in the driveway. I decided to roll it forward to re-connect the steering and brakes. The shelter was too low. So I brought out the tools, jack, jackstand, and a large bit of railroad tie to block the tires. I then unchocked the tires, started it up and gave it enough momentm to roll 4 feet forward into the railroad tie…
Only it didn’t stop. It easily went right over the tie and kept rolling. No steering, No brakes. Across the street. Over a small dirt berm… and down the embankment into the bushes. There was nothing I could do but scream and go for a ride.
I couldn’t get it out of the bushes. I had to call a wrecker. It was a little bit humiliating as Ethan and everyone in the family watched me roll across the street. And they laughed. I laughed. Afterward.
Parenting is like that.
Grief is like that.