Waiting for the song…

I can almost make it through the day

Through all the measures to the coda.

But the effort is heavy

And living with hope takes effort

And when the time and key changes I could get lost

So return to breathing. 

And you know what I know…

You miss a cue… you lose your place and wait for the song to come around.

That it is hard not to miss our son… there at the repeat.

I think like all the parents, there are unfulfilled ambitions we place on our children…

Not every moment of every day… And fuck if I am not shattered. 

But there are those moments. Every day.

And what worked yesterday is broken today. Back to the key change.

It hits me. And I know it hits you too.

You would trade your life for his… but you can’t.

Deep in your bones… sfz.

Sucks the air right out of your lungs
And the world goes quiet. Decrescendo.

I can say it without tears: My son is dead.
But I want him back. The bridge…

And the finale… What is broken cannot be fixed… why?

What is lost will never be found… why?

And what I want I can’t ever have… why, why, why?

And the dissonance does not resolve. 

Wait for the song.
Wait for the song.

It echos into the silence.


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