Sometime you can’t fight the flow of a river… and it is best to lay back into your PFD and point your feet down river.
Mover diagonally across the current. 

Look for something solid to grab.

And so goes the struggle. Keep my head up. Watch for submerged obstacles. Try to go with the flow.

Such is life.

If you are caught in surging water 


Any moving water can be dangerous. If you are caught in the water and swept off your feet, remember the following: 


  • Drop any items that can weigh you down. 
  • Stay calm, lie on your back, and keep your feet up and pointed downstream to avoid rocks and foot entrapment. 
  • Swim on your back with the current and then diagonally across the stream until you each the shore. 
  • Do not attempt to stand up until you are in shallow, slow-moving water. 
  • If you get trapped on an island, stay there and signal for help.


Right now… there is a problem with transitions… with Monday…. with leaving the house.

And fatigue in the early afternoon. 

And negative people.

Memories and triggers beneath the surface 

As every day I realize I am one day further along

And another set of moments is missed and passed, and gone.

And online negative people who hurl personal insults when they can’t develop an argument based on reason.

I push to see if you push back. It’s the only way to know if both of us are alive. 

There is rage in the middle of the stream, out by those rocks…

And closer to the shore… the dark snags and jagged branches to tear at my flesh

Do you really think that right now I give a fuck about politics? Look deeper…

Because the more I flap my arms the deeper I go

The more I struggle the harder it is. And I can’t panic. 

And I’ll only die tired and sooner. 

Do I want to run out, or sit and feel, or go numb… buoyancy and desperation

Mixed in an empty dark night… to just bob along and keep my head up.

And down below that drop hides a vortex that will catch you and pull you under again and again…

Down where it is dark and cold and quiet.  
Grief lasts longer than sympathy… and soon all the people have gone away from the shore. There is nothing more to see here.

Look down river

For that island they talk about…

For soft cool sand to set my feet in.

Such is life

Such is the struggle. 



One thought on “Struggling.

  1. Pingback: The River and Elements of Choice | spiritual allegory

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