Christmas Eve 2013

Last night we went to see the Hobbit. I really enjoyed the movie and Smaug, the Dragon is worth seeing. 

About half way through the movie, I resisted the urge to leave and to stay out in the lobby on my phone. Even though the movie was better than fine, I didn’t feel like being there. I didn’t feel like watching elves and dwarves and wizards. But I fought through that moment of… sadness? Distress? Anxiety? And I am glad I stayed.

Losing Ethan has meant that I have lost a unique voice in my life… a unique encouragement- a son who believes in me- even as an adult with cynical leanings,  in a way no one else does… who sees me in a way that no one really else does. And I really do miss that. I think everyone needs a cheer squad of people that think they are special… that know them and believe in them. Some people need it a lot more than others, but you need at least one person in your corner, on you side, that knows that somehow, you can do it. 

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