I don’t know what I expected, but it wasn’t this.
She says I have shown you a thousand sunsets and no two were the same.
A blow to the head would have been better…
She laughs and says that this is the hand that God uses… the one that gives and takes away.
Anything would be better… poke my eye out…
Or the avulsion of my right hand.
But with the words of that phrase, “it is what it is…”
That was it.
She says you will never know why. You will never hear it. You will never see it.
These are the secrets that are hidden.
Life can be a bitch.
Unpredictable. Painful. Ugly.
Or amazingly beautiful. But you never know from one moment to the next…
If the phone rings
If she calls you by name.
She can cut you deeper then that fatal lacerated liver…
In one moment sweep away your dreams
Hack into your past and destroy your memories
And deprive your present of one whom you love
She can take your child.
He belongs to eternity… and you can not change that. (I don’t get to make the rules… and in this, there is no appeal. There is no due process… She says, Sabro, it is, what it is.)
And there is no word for that.
For the parent bereft of a child
I am not a widow or an orphan
Just a man staring into a dark abyss
Wondering what could have been… what should have been
Asking, “where did my boy go?”… I search my head for memories of Ethan… through all of his 20 years.
And knowing that he will not be back.
And there sits Life
Next to me
I don’t know what she is going to do.
What will she take next?
And in my grief and sorrow she smiles…
(Not that bitch smile… “whatta you gonna do about it, huh? Bitch!)
But a smile and a calmness
That takes my breath-
With a sigh… and a heavy sadness…
That says… it is okay.
Tomorrow, she may cut me deep again.
But she won’t leave me until the end.
I will show you a thousand sunsets, and no two will be the same.