I give myself a lot of room… room to be honest, to do what I need to do, to make mistakes… room to be wrong. I’m giving myself time… even though there is a bit of  impatience. I think some of this is very, very conscious… that when that news began to sink in, I did decide that there were parts of my life, and parts of myself that needed protection… There are specific things that I knew should be avoided in grieving… blame, regret, guilt… substance abuse, destruction… of items, of relationships, of finances… It is important. It is my life. And sometimes I feel stuck or tired– exhausted, really… overwhelmed, by sadness… or anger, or devastation. So although I feel that it is necessary to feel what I am feeling, it is also important that actions not be based on the overwhelming set of emotions.

And I do think it is important to push on to be positive. To embrace happy moments. To be okay… to be fine… To express myself through writing or painting. … It is a life meant to be enjoyed, and not in a forced, fake sense… but I have to make allowance to be happy, to enjoy a moment… a memory


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