Building a fence, hanging out with me…

So I have some redwood staves (I think they are called staves) drying outside while I drink tea and eat yogurt. I’m building a fence. This will give me enough material to finish two of twelve panels.

The truth is that I don’t enjoy being by myself… but with both Justin and Marquita working, I am pretty much alone all day. Even as a kid, the only time I enjoyed solitude was when I was reading a book.

I knew this Summer would be like that. Last Summer, in the midst of the deepest grief, I had good company. It seemed a lot of people were around, especially and thankfully, Justin. I kept busy. I worked some team building events. I went to the Wellness conference for a week. Justin and I even took a little road trip.

But this Summer, my son is working. I’m not at the wellness conference. There has been no team building work. There aren’t as many people around. And because we got this dog… she is sweet… I am building a fence. There is also a garage in Los Angeles that need rebuilding. I’ve done a good deal of work on that as well. Right now being alone gives me a lot of time to think… and I knew this was going to happen, so which at first filled me with a little dread.

It hasn’t been bad. Not at all. It gives me time to think, but I am focussed on a task. Swinging a hammer is good therapy. Swinging a sledge hammer is really good. Seeing it come together, one piece at a time…

And I think about Ethan. I think about life. I think about losing him. There is sadness. There is old anger. And there are moments when it seems overwhelming… but then there is another post, another hole, another board, another nail. I talk to the dog and to the cats. I take breaks. I talk to myself. I talk to God. And I even talk to Ethan a bit.

I’m working through it… both literally and figuratively. Building a fence for a dog that needed a home. Working and working in the heat of summer…

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