Writing to heal.
Writing to express the pain and sorrow of one parent bereft and left with that odd mix of confusion and anger and emptiness… to attempt to put into words feelings for which names and words fail. In the hopes that maybe after they are put down on paper (electronic paper)… that I will feel better, hurt less and that life will make just a little more sense. I am writing to keep myself from being pulled into that heavy void… dragged into that sticky goo…
And so it slows down. That has to be good news, right?
I don’t have to sit here once a day and peer into my soul… and search for words.
I don’t feel the need to sit on the couch and cry… much.
I don’t search the internet for that song that brings the tears.
Not all the time. Not every day.
Sadness is a thing that is with me, but for the most part, I don’t feel sad.
And I don’t feel all that angry. I don’t feel hopeless. I don’t feel empty or lost.
And as summer winds down, I am looking forward to going back to school- to meeting the kids and to try to make a difference in someone’s life.
… to be overwhelmingly positive and believe in the life of someone who may not believe themselves… I will miss summer… but this is going to be good.
So the blog slows down. I’m not quitting. But there is not as much going on. Not internally. And at some point I’m repeating myself.