Sometimes Life, It Hurts.
This morning I am scolded, because the chorus of alarms my wife sets somehow failed this morning to sing her awake…
And the dog, who is happy again to take me on her morning walk
Wants me to move faster. “ooooooooh” she says in her lowest baritone.
And we walk into the frozen fall morning
And that steel gray sky
The pavement slightly slick… glossy with the thinnest layer of ice.
And I laugh when the dog slips… but I also pull my hands out of my jacket pockets into the cold air…
just in case.
There is a thin layer of ice on the puddles left by yesterday’s rain
And the windows of cars are all frosted over.
I walk past a lot painted golden by fallen oak leaves and I snap a picture.
I think about privilege and the English professor from Vasser
And thousands of protesters in the cold and wet air of cities far away
Walking for justice…walking against discrimination…
And I know that privilege is something I have.
So I stop and talk to my neighbor Ed… about his beard.
And he tells me about being Santa… because being santa is what he does this time of year.
A traditional Santa with a real beard.
Adding too much purple to his bleached white beard
And having to bleach on Wednesday for gigs running Thursday, Friday, and Saturday, and Sunday….
And maybe Monday. And I think about how much I like to listen to Ed
In his work boots and shorts on a cold Autumn morning.
And I walk the rest of the way.
Talk to the guys in the work truck about the streets… they ask because they are taking a pole out and will have to close this one.
And all the while in this cold autumn air…
I think it is perfect.
And deep down inside I am sad.
I miss my son.
And I know that if he was alive still and had come down to help me with the deck
We would have laughed. And he would have worked.
And we as a family could have worked that last day together… the four of us.
But there are only three now.
And in this perfect moment of a perfect fall morning
I am acutely aware of his absence from my life.
From this world.
Sometimes Life, It hurts.