One for the dying. One for the dead.

One for the dying. One for the dead.

I’m okay, I tell people.
I clock in and go through the motions
Because every day looks the same.
Widgets and nuts and bolts and watching the second round the bottom of the clock again.
And I think the smile is real
Like diet Coke. And lunch is over. And I think I am alive.
Do you know what it is like to lose a child?
I can’t ever really be happy, can I? I can’t escape this emptiness.
I’m okay really. I know what I lost.
So you look for meaning. I look for words.
One for the dying. One for the dead.

I look for you and something is stuck.
That I look into fading memories of you blowing away
The wind into the ashes. Into the dust.
And I struggle beneath that yellow sky to see a figure fading
I hear you and I hear nothing.
And I struggle to name this feeling or to describe this experience
Because you can’t know what it is like.
One face for you. One face inside. One face forgotten.
I have lost. I have lost my breath. And I don’t know.
I see that there is a bunny burrowing under the truck in that dirt lot
Rust colored metal under the tattered blue tarp
All turning the same color, and the dying weed waving in the shadows.
The tires flat and cracked and half buried in the dirt.
And this cute furry animal, tossing dirt
And I look for meaning. You look for words.
I am okay, right?

And I hold out on face for the dying.
And one for the dead.

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