Seriously, I am not doing well.

Seriously… I am not doing well.

Holidays are hard. Grieving. Missing my son. Thanksgiving. Christmas…

I want to check out. Take a break. Get some kind of breather. But it is only a week until Christmas break, so taking even a single sick day seems a little lame. So I soldier on. I’ve been painting koi. And that helps. Koi.

I’ve done nothing about finding a new doctor or getting any kind of help for depression. And then my brother died a few weeks ago and the bottom seemed to fall out. And I just haven’t gotten around to it. Of course exercise would be a good thing. But I haven’t been doing that either.

I guess I was able to hold it together okay, and deal with what I need to do and take a trip to clean up Paul’s stuff. And then there was Thanksgiving. And then back to work.

And there are significant issues with the contractor working on the Los Angeles house.

Then last week we had a major shooting event in a building I used to go to once in a while for trainings and meetings. There were a couple of hours where they didn’t know how many shooters there were or where they went. And then it was over.

And as the news came out I realized that there was only one or two degrees of separation between me and several of the dead in that event. And then finally some news that one of those killed was once a teacher I worked with.

And then my cousin passed away. Apparently after transplant surgery.

So I’m holding it together. Friday we have this “model schools” visit. And I don’t really care. This isn’t a good time. I keep thinking about what else might happen, or wondering what else could possibly go wrong. And I don’t want to know the answer.

I have two memorials to go to. I have people to interact with. And I just don’t want to do much of anything.

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2 thoughts on “Seriously, I am not doing well.

  1. I love reading your blog — especially after hearing about things from you earlier today. You are one of the most transparent people I know. Which, I believe, is one thing that will help you “carry on” ….

    Liked by 1 person

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