Turning corners and feeling real.

So I realized something today.
I woke up with a sort of frozen ankle… it wouldn’t move and intense pain in my achilles tendon. So with new snow on the ground and more coming down I gave in and called in sick.

I haven’t done that much lately. And both my wife and son went to work, so I was home alone. And apparently that is an issue, because at this point in my life I would rather be at work than home alone… and I think that is corner turned.

We have a husky and she needs to be walked every day. She actually likes the cold and the snow, so bad ankle or not, she needed to go for a walk and our circuit is about a mile. After I limped around and bundled up, I got her leash and plunged into the driving snow, with the dog enthusiastically pulling me, first as I limped, and then walked briskly and finally into a jog which seemed to make her happy. It was much more then I thought I could do, but the pain actually seemed to go away as we rounded the corner.

Then I was back on the couch with my foot up. Resting it. Moving it occasionally so it wouldn’t seize up. It was a relaxing day between naps. Practice guitar. Read legal papers. Paint. Cook.

I haven’t done that alone since Ethan died… spent a day just doing stuff like that without being immersed in grieving. We are coming up on the fourth anniversary of his death and since then it was difficult to play guitar, so that, too is turning a corner. I’m practicing a song that I associate with him… that he was going to show me, and it isn’t all tears. I can sit down and work it through and try to get the words and the chords working together.

I haven’t read as much. After he died there were a few books that I read, specifically about grieving and I can think of Neil Peart’s Ghost Rider and a Christian book, The Shack…. And a book about Theodore Roosevelt’s trip through the Amazon. And at some point I got stuck… unable to maintain focus and concentration long enough to get through a novel.

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