I don’t think that I will ever get over…

I don’t think that I will get over the death of my son.
I don’t think I will ever get over that feeling that I have to be here for Ethan.
I don’t think that I will ever get over that feeling that somehow, in some way that I wasn’t… that I missed something.
And I know that I will always be one phone call from knowing a very different present… one in which Ethan is alive and I have a much different set of problems to deal with.
I don’t think I will get beyond that fear of losing someone else close to me…
And I don’t think I will ever stop wondering if my life is somehow supposed to be very very different.
And I will always wonder what his life is like in this other reality. Where Ethan is alive and graduating college and living the whole rest of his life… and I get to watch.
So Fathers Day is upon me again.
Fathers day…

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